Sibling Love

Is having a second baby the right choice for you and your family? Come with me as I travel down the memory lane on how we made our decision and how we felt about it throughout the journey.

The Plot

Getting on that roller-coaster ride of raising another baby from the line of scrimmage is not an easy commitment. However, after much contemplation, my husband and I decided to give it a shot. If you’ve been wondering, should you have another baby or not, trust me, you are not alone and this article is just for you. I hope my journey will bring comfort to your anxiety and anticipation for a blissful life.

So let’s read on…

The Rationale

Having one or more kids had long been a topic of discussion, debate, deliberation and finally a decision in my household as it must have been in yours. I was always up for just the one precious being I had created, and loved the thought of putting my whole heart in caring for him. However, it wasn’t long before I discovered that my better half had a slightly different picture of our family. He believed that having siblings brings significant benefits in life and that our little boy needed to have one of his own. Someone who’d be his best friend, his confidante and his wing(wo)man. Despite the horrifying thoughts about the lack of sleep and the piles of diapers (ugh!), my husband strengthened his case by reminding me of the very special bond I share with my older sister (a wonderful topic for another day). How could we deprive our son of the possibility of such a cherished relationship. The journey from getting convinced-to-conceived wasn’t too long and the rest is history :)!

All In For Him

Pregnancy was one of my most favourite phases of the parenting journey (oh yea!). Despite my share of medical issues during both pregnancies, I cherished those months feeling fortunate and thankful. I was tired, anxious and excited all at the same time. Eating all the multivitamins, healthy meals and indulgent desserts — a lot of it and for two — left me super energized, glowing and guess what — bloated!! During my second pregnancy, we deeply believed that it was the last time we would give our undivided attention to Ray, as we’ll soon have to share our time with him and the new baby. We were seeing this as an end-of-the-world scenario and planned a ton of activities and trips to seize every possible moment of fun with him.

Every small thing we did together was special and would be the last we would do as a trio. I captured all the memories I could as I wanted to hold on to that time forever. As my due date was approaching we took a ton of photos of the most banal things you could think of — a visit to Costco, to our favourite restaurant, to grocery stores, of shovelling snow, of making snow-angels and so on.

On the big day, we decided to have Ray stay with our family friends so he could stay distracted with their kids during my delivery. He had a blast playing with her, while I was in the hospital full of guilt of leaving him alone. After dropping off Ray, my husband came to be with me during the delivery, and all I wanted to know was how he was coping without the two of us. My husband felt equally emotional for leaving him alone at our friend’s place for the night, as Ray was oblivious to the big change he was about to face!

“Channel your love and energy in focusing on your first-born and in the process plant seeds of love for the yet-to-be-born sibling”

The Arrival

Kiara, our new bundle of pee, poop and joy was born at midnight in January of 2019. After the delivery, both my doctor and the nurse looked at her and exclaimed that they had never seen a newborn with such expressive features…though my groggy teary eyes just saw a tiny goopy being! When I finally got to hold my little miracle, I was amazed to see her looking right back at me with her big beautiful eyes. And then she turned her face towards the warmth of her mom with a big yawn, trying to sniffle on the familiar fragrance of what was her home for the last nine months. In that moment, I just wanted to be with my precious, who was safely lying in my arms.

Later that day, I had a slightly confused 3 year old toddler come to visit me in the hospital, curiously observing everything around him. He walked in to my room checking if the baby was there. He made his way through the swaddled burrito wrapped in my arms and looked at his sister for the first time with a cute smile. He gently touched her long fingers, the tiny nose and then her toes. I got the first glimpse of their loving skirmishes when he tried to come close to her face and got poked in the eye by her tiny fingers. He brought a stuffed toy of the cartoon character Skye from his favourite show Paw Patrol, for “his” brand new baby and kept it next to her. My adorable bubble-guppy enjoyed a moment of accomplishment from gifting the toy to his sister, and within a few minutes excitedly asked if he can have his cake pop that he was so eagerly waiting to eat. He then happily moved on with his business to find something more interesting to have fun with. In that moment, as tears trickled down my eyes, this sudden realization struck me, my cuddle bunny had grown up overnight. I was dying to hold him to give him those limitless hugs and kisses. He was trying to make sense of what was going on, while bravely accepting the new changes in his very stable life. Since then he has amazed us every single day with how much more independent he has become and also for the immense love and affection he has shown for his baby sister.

We left the hospital the next day, with a brand new wheel added to our wagon. The most comforting moment was to see our two little munchkins, as they cosily dosed off in their carseats on our way back home.

Let The Games Begin

The first year went by so fast despite those really (really) long never ending nights with the baby (not complaining … thanks to my AirPods and Netflix) and still having to wake up early in the morning to drop off Ray to his daycare. As days progressed, we would put in extra efforts to ensure Ray never felt ignored because of the new baby. Kia (as we call her) accompanied us everywhere especially for Ray’s daycare drop offs and pick ups. She even attended Ray’s soccer games, where we were certain she giggled to cheer for him and cried out aloud in the middle of the field mostly because he missed the goal. This felt like a fun ride. Despite having piles of clothes and heaps of unwashed dishes, I was always ready to capture the precious moments of those tight hugs, wet kisses, loud laughters and endless screams.

My new little tiny lump of love turned into a feisty, beautiful and ever smiling 2 year old toddler in a blink of an eye. Today Ray is Kia’s most favourite person. And of course the feeling is mutual. Every morning Ray waits for Kia to wake him up before leaving for school. While each evening Kia waits for him to pick her up from her daycare. Everyday Kia jumps with joy seeing her brother from her classroom window who has come to receive her — Priceless! This is usually followed by crazy running games all around the house when they’re both back home. They would often exchange hugs, run after each other and share some very high pitched screams so much so that our alarm system goes wonky.

“Communication is the key! Both parents gotta have a great hand-eye coordination to knock the curve-balls-out-of-the-park, as they say, that the kids will lovingly throw at you.”

As parents, we have to make strategic moves and operate as a single unit to manage our two little monsters. I feel that clear and timely communication between the parents is the key to maintaining the rhythm of the house.

Making The Choice

Undoubtedly, there have been pull-my-hair-out moments when I wondered why we got into this ordeal all over again. And then, there are moments when our two little bubble guppies defend each other, exchange hugs and kisses, and play around for hours at end as we catch a break. While it can definitely get hectic managing the two balls of energy, what makes me feel content is that they will always be perfect punching bags and support systems for each other.

And well, another important lesson for me was (I gotta admit)… husband’s can ‘sometimes’ be right too!

This is it my fellow warriors. Thanks for joining me on my journey from deliberation to decision, from our 9 months of wait to becoming tag-teaming parents. So whip out your sharpies and whiteboards, do your scenario analyses, sprinkle them with pros and cons — whatever keeps your boat afloat. Have “the” conversation with your partner and mix in some of your faith in the cosmos. The physiological rollercoaster notwithstanding, you’d be surprised at the most precious memories you’ll create through your 2nd journey to parenthood 2.0.

For us, adding our precious little pea to our pod was the best choice ever! I hope it will be for you as well.

Cheers!